I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
