I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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