JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
