I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
