god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
