its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
