So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
