It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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