I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
