At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
