So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
