If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
