i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
