I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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