youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
