Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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