why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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