youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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