if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
