1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
