# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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