i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
