we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
