I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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