mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His nipple licking is glorious
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