You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
