Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
