I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
