wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
