I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
