between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
