When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize