My nipple is on Facebook.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The air taste purple.
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