I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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