I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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