Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
