and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
