I accidentally burped into my bong.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
