Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
