i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize