i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
