I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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