If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
