I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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