if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
