I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
