i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
