I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
