he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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