Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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