After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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