Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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