is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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