respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You made out with two different species that night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We had sex on a dog bed..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
