She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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