New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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