You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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