I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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