I accidentally had phone sex last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
