What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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