im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
