Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
