Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
