Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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