Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
