did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
