I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
