Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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