I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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