i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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