dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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