I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
