i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
