I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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