I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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