Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
