My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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