woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
