I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
