Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
