I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
