I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
