guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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