Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
