it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
