I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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