just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
