we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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