please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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