i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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