Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
